Should Children Honor Their Parents?

Today we will tackle the Fourth Commandment.  Calling children to “honor” their parents.  

Interestingly enough, this is one Commandment that Jesus does not explain like the others (in Matthew and Luke). Where he states the Old Testament Commandment and then begins each teaching by saying:   “You have heard that it was said in ancient times you shall not…..But I say to you…”

“But I say to you…”

I wish he would have done that with the Fourth Commandment.  I wish he would have said:  You have heard it said in ancient times honor your father and mother. But I say to you   honor is due when it is given. Or something much wiser than that! But an explanation none-the-less!  However we get no relief from God’s original words on the Fourth Commandment from Jesus.  At Least not directly!

So to be clear, on what God was asking, I looked up the Greek and Hebrew word for honor.  In the Greek honor specifically means appraisal, assessment, to value, or deem worthy.  In the Hebrew, to honor is to reward.

The Fourth Commandment is then telling us to value and reward mother and father because they are worthy.

My commentary on the subject:

But I say to you that honor is something received when it is given.  And only to those who have been appraised as one of value — of worth — will receive honor.  

Does that shock you?  

Does it shock you that I would even consider suggesting that children may not honor their mother and/or father?

Well, the truth is, we don’t have to go far to be confuse by the Fourth Commandment.   Very confused!  All we have to do it to read Jesus’ words, from Matthew’s Gospel, where he says:  “Whoever loves father and mother more than me is not worthy of me .”(Matthew 10:37)

How do we meld together Jesus’ words with God’s Fourth Commandment?

How are we understand those two very different teaching? 

Centuries before Jesus came the Fourth Commandment had been mis-used and abused.  Sadly that tradition continues today. 

What I am thinking is that Jesus’ command to love is a better term, to use, than honor.  It has more punch!  More definition than the word honor.

I use love here as tender care.  That kind of tender care gives us the why.  Why we would honor mother and Father!  Why we would be willing to show respect to them.  Because when we treat others as special, of value and worth! Then we receive the same in return.

At least that is the hope!

In 1 John 4:3 it says: “We love because he first loved us.”

Those who give love, are those who have been loved, valued and respected!

The Fourth Commandments has given grown-ups permission to treat children with dishonor and disrespect.   

Point of Clarification:  

There are many more good and tender parents in this world. What I am talking about are the exceptions.  The unloving parents who have tragically affected thousands of children’s live.

Just think about it a moment!  Some of the most well known adages from the past are:

“Children are to be seen and not heard.”  

“Children are to do as I say!  Not as I do.” 

“Children are to respect their elder no matter what.”

We can even find passages in the Old Testament that give examples of how extremely important it is to honor their parents.  Most especially their fathers!  Look up Deuteronomy 21:18-21 and read for yourself!  A child could be stoned for talking back, or disobeying, a father.  We are not talking small stones here! These stones most often led to death.  

Here is how this works in some people’s mind: “Thats what it says in the Bible.”  So, it is okay!  Even right!

This attitude didn’t just happen in Old Testament times. 

You know, as well as I do, that we hear of the mistreatment of children all too often in our world today.  Two boys beaten to death after church by the elders; because they wouldn’t admit their sin.  Or, how about the most recent example: Thirteen children found shackled and held captive in their parents home.

This disrespect, actually this inhuman treatment, of children is understood as okay.  Okay because it say so in the Bible.  At least that is the interpretation!  And, the elders feel free to be rude, mean, unkind and just plain awful to children.  Because they can!

So now I ask you!  Are those children really suppose to honor and respect — deem worthy — that kind of behavior? 

The question is, how do we balance “What is says in the Bible?”  

The confusion about Biblical interpretation remains a huge problem. 

Paul writes to the Ephesians: “Don’t be foolish but understand what the will of God is.” (v 17)

How do we ascertain what the will of God is in the Fourth Commandment?  

In the Old Testament we read: Honer your parents and Elders.  Or you may be really really sorry!

In the New testament Jesus tells everyone to love, take care of, be tender, kind and compassionate to everyone.

Then we read:  “For I have come to set man against his father and daughter against mother. (Matt. 10:35)  

It is confusing!  It is!!!!

   

And so, that is the reason I have come to rely on what Jesus came to teach us.  Jesus came to give us our only point of reference!  Our only true north; by which we will always know the best direction for living.  Through Jesus' teachings we have been given some clarity.  We learn right from wrong!   Good from no so good!

And, Jesus makes it clear that from the very beginning God’s basic request, God’s basic intention for all of creation, was/is to live in peace and harmony. By treating, and speaking to each other, with tenderness and compassion!  Most especially those precious little ones God has placed in our care to nurture and love.

Which mean that non-violence, rudeness, meanness are not part of the plan.

That is my humble opinion!

That is how I understand God’s Will!  As brought to the world through Jesus!

16 Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.(Deut. 5)