Can We Just Listen?

A few days ago I wrote of my frustration about peoples unwillingness to accept what other people think and believe.

This lack of listening -- really hearing -- is not new.  I know that.  However it is still a central irritation to me.

So yesterday, as I was struggling with this, I remembered a poem written by Leo Buscaglia; and I want to share it with you. 

"When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice,

You have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why

I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! 

All I ask is that you listen. Don’t talk or do – just hear me…

And I can do for myself; I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and Inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I feel,

No matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince

You and get about this business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling. 

And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.

So please listen, and just hear me.

And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn– and I will listen to you."

The next time you are tempted to adjust someone else's thinking, stop first and try to remember to listen by not trying to change their mind.